I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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