We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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