Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
