i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
