I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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