you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
