so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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