nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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