Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
