i love accidental penises.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
