You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
