so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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