I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
