How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
