oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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