I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
