It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
