I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
