so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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