every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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