come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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