I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
