i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Come on in and take your pants off
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