I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
