yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
