Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
