I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
