he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
