we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
