just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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