Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
