So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
