I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
