Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
