I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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