Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
