oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
