4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
