we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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