Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
