made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
