I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
