Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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