Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
