you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize