it was like his penis was on wheels.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
did you just send me my own nude
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
