You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
