i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
