We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
