i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
