I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize