Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm having to shit out rocks
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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