I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
