Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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