My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
