Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
