if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
