TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
