Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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