3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
