you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
