I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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