I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
