Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
