also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
