She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
